3 important signs that you need better boundaries

Click on the image to see a very personal video about why I’m teaching a course on better boundaries

You know that scrunchy end of year feeling? You realize the number of things you still need to get done…but haven’t done yet…and you subconsciously steel yourself to cram it all into the “time you have left?”

There you are, your mind, body and schedule filled with stuff. This year, I just can’t do it. The unprecedented level of chaos and uncertainty has pushed me over the edge. I’ve accepted I’m not going to get it all tied up in a neat bow before Christmas.

It’s called having limits. This is one big sign that you need better boundaries:

1) Compulsive time cramming

Is your day so full of stuff that you can’t possibly get it all done, but you try anyway and then beat yourself up when you fail? Gurus suggest that the solution is to have a clear, strong sense of purpose to conquer time management…but if you don’t have that already, how do you get it?

If you aren’t quite sure, you may hear things like “she’s not actualized” or “fulfilled” floating around you in social settings, and recoil inwardly in horror.

I wonder, am I actualized? What do they mean? How would I know if I’m fulfilled? That must feel really fantastic! But I don’t feel fantastic right now so…does that mean I’m unfulfilled? Can I get fulfilled before Thanksgiving?

Here is your second sign of a need for better boundaries.

2) Difficulty tolerating uncertainty

A sense of purpose is important. Lots of folks are ready to tell you exactly what to think and what to do, and you can see where that’s taking us. How about developing a real friendship with not knowing and finding out for yourself? How can you ever find your own sense of purpose without that capacity? Let’s look at the upside of uncertainty, confusion, and even the dread frustration. Not knowing what’s next is also source of opportunity and creativity.

Ambiguity forces alertness, which is healthy, life affirming, and enlivening for our body. One possible response, when we aren’t sure what to do, is to open our view and be alert for signs from inside our body and in our environment, clues to what our deeper desires really are. What does attraction feel like in our bodies? What have we been missing because of a habitually narrow focus like certainty?

“Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.”


We have arrived at the third sign of a need for better boundaries:

3) No time for exploring the unknown

It takes courage to clear a space for the unknown. Uncertainty itself can be scary and formless. Boundaries and embodied self-care around that uncertainty can help you locate new creative possibilities you wouldn’t have considered otherwise. Unfelt and unprocessed agitation will crowd out any insights lurking underneath the cognitive surface without that gentle frame.

We can be alert with curiosity instead of fear, but it’s easier said than done. Most of us will not be able to manage it without some embodiment skill and community. If we have an embodiment practice that we truly own, take responsibility for, and are committed to, excitement and even a little fear can be wonderful fuel for creativity.

Creativity – mine and yours – is going to get us out of all this mess we are in. That’s right, I said it is. I truly hope that all of my offerings, and all of my videos, give you a leg up into the wonderful world of embodiment practice in support of your creativity.

Your voice, your creativity, and your insight matter.

If you’d like community, skillful support, and structure around these topics, my upcoming Better Boundaries Course will provide opportunities to:

1) Learn a set of powerful, fundamental embodiment skills that you can (and must) tailor to your own needs.

2) Own your personal preferences and needs in using those skills to design your personal embodiment practice and commit to doing it regularly.

3) Choose a personal focus – a creative project or deep need that you may have been putting off – and use your embodiment practice to bookend time spent working with that focus.

Warning: this course is life affirming and may get your creative juices going! Beware!

Registration will close soon on November 12. Go HERE to book a 15 minute free consultation, and HERE to register.

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